On Notebooks

Every girl goes through their notebook stage. For most, it’s just that angsty time in middle school (7^th-8^th grade) when no one understands each other and your crush won’t look your way because a) you’re wearing animal print pants and b)you seriously don’t know how to put makeup on yet, yet you insist on it every single morning. For me, it started from 5th grade and ended somewhere towards the middle of freshman year of college.

I think I have about 20 notebooks. All are started up diaries full of terribly written entries (much like all of my blogs, haha) that stop about one fourth of the way through until I got bored with the background of the journal itself and wanted a new one--which is evident due to the scribblings that can be found on random pages after the last complete entry.  It’s all so amusing now, but it’s kind of annoying to find a place for all of them.  Fortunately my taste in covers hasn’t really changed much (all are variations of light orange, green, or pink in color) so I think I’m just gonna keep them all as humorous decorative pieces. Anyway,  I found this particularly juicy journal entry that I believe could not go overlooked.  I was really angry around Valentine’s day in 2006.  Take a couple guesses why.

Yes. It was about a boy.  Here it goes:

“Holy crap, my handwriting and poetry have definitely changed since I last wrote in this [journal].  I’ve found the meaning of prose [lool] and endured no good boys.  Ones I won’t mention, but SUCK!

i’m wondering if you ever liked me

the way i liked you

how every time i saw you my

heart skipped a beat

and when i saw your face

i’d stop and take a second glance

just to make sure i wasn’t

mistaking someone else for you

just like i did every other time

your name popped up even

when it wasn’t the word written

in front of me

your messages a prize piece

in my vast collection

your words engraved in my brain                                                                          

as i skim through the stupid things

i said in response, not realizing then

what i know now

what sucks most is that i

blindly took the hurt you gave me,

not realizing that each moment spent

would be a moment regretted

yeah, you were right, i probably shouldn’t have ever met you

but why not try to make an impact on such an optimistic person?

the beauty of it all is that it had no lasting effect unlike every

other person you’ve done this to

and i’m still the same, innocent, happy girl you wish you could know better.

things are clearly looking up boywise now:

te extraño

heard this record the other day with michael and for some reason this song stuck with me.

the byrds-draft morning

i have a habit of liking the way songs sound more than the lyrics themselves, it puts me at fault sometimes and confused other times.  like for instance, until just now, i didn't realize what this song is about.
oops.
although i'll never be able to relate to it, it's pretty awesome to keep listening to.


i'm terrible at saying proper goodbyes, and in the past two weeks i've had to do it a fair amount. some more heavy than others.  it's unbelievable how many times similar things can happen and they still take you by surprise. 


however there are brighter pastures ahead because a) it's summer b) i ain't got no job and i ain't got *anything* to do c)i'm gonna be healthier finally and d) family is the best cure for any emotions i'm feeling currently.