well

 i feel super silly right now.

costume party planning is so much fun.
everyone just seems to be so into it and the turn out is always great.

i'm pretty sleepy

hello aziz.

my costume doesn't take all that much effort, but i had a dream the other day that my mom gave me a huge pep talk about it before i went in for the party. she was all like "you can't be glum today at all rucha, you have to pretend to be r-r-r-r-r-aaaaaaaaaaandy.". 

i think that's the funniest thing dream mom has ever said to me. 

on a side note, all i want to do right now (well, at least in the near future) is listen to some awesome jazz music live, maybe read a whole book of spanish love poems, and watch lengua de las mariposas or life is beautiful.  

time on my hands (you in my arms)-duke ellington

today sucks.

i have to write a biology paper outline.

i can't focus for the life of me. 

instead, i just took unnecessary pictures on photobooth.

anyone else think lindsay lohan's kinda scary looking in mean girls? after watching it again tonight, i've decided she almost looks plasticky.

but then again, who am i to judge. she's just another person in the world with feelings. 

also, anyone think the commercial for the new dj hero looks like a commercial promoting HIV testing? 

i'm done asking questions now. 

i'm tired for no reason at all. i'm ready for tomorrow morning already. i wanna say i'm gonna go to sleep soon, but in all honesty i'm probably going to stay up tweaking the last letter i wrote. 

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

new lifestyle changes.



anyone wanna start playing sports with me?

i like soccer and basketball.

not very good at much else.

this too shall pass

day: november 3, 2010
[[tribute to xanga:

mood-frustrated]]

i'm tired for no reason at all.

also, these fourteen pounds of water weight (due to recent "improvements" in my health) are really beginning to bother me.

i want a treatment.

and i want it now.

i'm going to the gym today with a friend, hopefully she'll give me the guidance i'll need to just keep going and going and going without getting intimidated by other people.

i'm kidding about fourteen pounds, it's down to five or six now.  i've still fit in all of my clothes, so it's really not that big of a deal. i just feel different.

and not in a good way. 

kristen/alex told me i've appeared sad lately, and i think it's just frustration with my body.  i know i'm not the healthiest person in the world, but geeze, can't i get a little break somewhere?

somewhere along the way i stopped trying.
i think this might be life biting me in the butt or something

---written three weeks ago after one of the more frustrating days of my life:

i kind of feel like the cardiologist who comes to work double fisting mcdonalds and a cigarette.  how is it that as someone who knows the most about health out of all my peers, i'm the one with the problems?

i guess that maybe it's a sign.  this only empowers me more to do research on this and aid others who might potentially have the same problems.

for those that didn't know, i was born with atopic dermatitis. a skin condition that ranges in severity, it's created by a weakened immune system and causes breakouts on the skin. for most people, it's worse while growing up and just kind of fizzles out during the teenage years. for others, such as myself, it remains a problem, with more and more breakouts, loss of pigmentation, allergies, etc.  there is no known cure for it, the only things available are there to help lessen the symptoms, but even those don't work half the time.  it was the worst its ever been this past summer.

more recently, (i.e. yesterday) i found out i'm a potential candidate for type 2 diabetes.  i might have thyroid problems, creating insufficient hormone levels which, as you guys know, regulate efficacy of insulin and my weight.


somehow i think this all may be connected. how? i'm not sure.. but hopefully i'll find out soon.  i hope that, with treating the most recent development, i can get to the bottom of this skin condition. if anything, i'll be able to go to india and stay in an ayurvedic clinic for a while until this all gets sorted out, which seems to be a silver lining in this otherwise dismal cloud of a week.


i don't think it'll be easy, but i don't think it'll be too hard either.
i'm fortunate it's not any worse, but this whole lifetime problem deal is unnerving.


....

i complain too much sometimes.
it could definitely be worse.

i'm gonna plaster a smile on my face no matter what for the rest of the semester.

hmm...

i need to get photoshop.

i can't get the effects i want with just iphoto.

         Teach me half the gladness

                     That thy brain must know,

                Such harmonious madness

 From my lips would flow

          The world should listen then, as I am listening now.