i look at her

she looks at me

then i sit and ponder

“are we simply the same being?”

hell no.

‘cause she’s a damn bird.

i just made a scrambled egg breakfast for myself

and what can she do?

attempt to make a fake nest out of wall street journal?

i look at her

she looks at me

then we both sit and cry

about our depressing victories

crazy dream last night

so
here we go

for some reason this really creepy dude wanted to kill me. i don't know why.
either way, i was on the run from him. there were many failed attempts at him killing me, all of which involved him trying to snipe me and me moving in enough time, but unfortunately allowing him to kill random people in his pursuit.

anyway, so he finally got me. i was walking in the main library and this girl comes up to me asking if i have a pen for her to borrow, and i run away cause i'm fearful of pretty much anyone at this point in the dream. so i keep running, and she's just confused looking.  i pause for a minute.

just long enough for her to pull a sharp pen out of her blazer pocket, toss it in my direction and pierce my heart. i could feel the pain and the wound forming, but for some reason i was still alive.

i ran out of the library and jumped into a car to run away so he couldn't finish the job.
and the car i jumped into had kitties and puppies in it!

it was so cute.

but the rest of the dream was so weird.

also, in the dream i woke up to another dream where i was sitting in a random living room with homer and alex telling them about the crazy dream i'd just had.

soooo

i'm gonna make a list here of my favorite songs hip hop/rap/r&b right now.


kanye west--
devil in a new dress.
runaway love remix.
family business. (it's that time of year)
we major.
touch the sky. (who am i kidding? that one is always on the list)
heard 'em say.
roses.
g.o.o.d. friday (minus big sean's verse, what was he thinking?!)

n.e.r.d.--
tape you.
maybe.
things are getting better.
run to the sun.
yeah you.

mos def--
love.
umi says.
sun, moon, stars.

common--
be.
faithful.
come close.
the light.
the food.

d'angelo--
one mo'gin.
africa.
chicken grease.
spanish joint.

a tribe called quest--
jazz (we got).
find a way.
bonita applebum.
wordplay.
jam.
check the rhime.

jay-z--
i just wanna love you (give it to me).
(always be my) sunshine.
change clothes.
excuse me, miss.
can i get a.
girls best friend.

amongst many others, however these just make me smile without fail.

i think i'm gonna put up my pictures for sale somewhere.
maybe not on etsy cause you gotta pay for that stuff to be hosted, but maybe just on a blog or by word of mouth.

will you guys pay for my hopes and dreams (of one day writing a book and opening up a cafe/bakery) and buy some of my prints?
i give you good prices!

while time crawls 

so slowly it could have a love sickness like mine

always thought you'd be around for a while 

send your love back to me
 from wherever you are

straight to the hole in my heart

 

"....and i'm wonderin' who will love me in winter"

another tear soaked pillow under my head.

i can't lie anymore.

i'm so damn frustrated.

hope at least some things will go right in 2011, 2010 as a whole has gotten the worst year ever award.

this is, of course, aside from the friendships i've made.

leaving facebook for a bit.
if you guys wanna get at me, shoot me a holla via phone or buzz buzz buzz.

i'll still have it up, so the pictures'll still be there and such.
but i'm not gonna be active for a bit.

love y'all!

my dreams are getting ridiculous.


date in italy?
wendy's saturday fees?
laser tag in the library of schools?

listening to cannonball adderley's autumn leaves and finally finishing that paper.


i love being home almost too much.

this sun room is what all my dreams are made of.

oh, and maybe all the love and light my family constantly brings.

lol

michael boland poked me.

BAM

we're so friends now.

also, i know i said tighten up was the only song i liked on the latest black keys album. but this one kinda caught my attention yesterday when i was shuffling.

everlasting light

i woke up to my old phone's alarm going off.


spooky scary

haven't used or charged that bad boy in three weeks.

UPDATE:

thesis statement finished, first page (potentially).
only five more to go.


it's freezing in this house

well

 i feel super silly right now.

costume party planning is so much fun.
everyone just seems to be so into it and the turn out is always great.

i'm pretty sleepy

hello aziz.

my costume doesn't take all that much effort, but i had a dream the other day that my mom gave me a huge pep talk about it before i went in for the party. she was all like "you can't be glum today at all rucha, you have to pretend to be r-r-r-r-r-aaaaaaaaaaandy.". 

i think that's the funniest thing dream mom has ever said to me. 

on a side note, all i want to do right now (well, at least in the near future) is listen to some awesome jazz music live, maybe read a whole book of spanish love poems, and watch lengua de las mariposas or life is beautiful.  

time on my hands (you in my arms)-duke ellington

today sucks.

i have to write a biology paper outline.

i can't focus for the life of me. 

instead, i just took unnecessary pictures on photobooth.

anyone else think lindsay lohan's kinda scary looking in mean girls? after watching it again tonight, i've decided she almost looks plasticky.

but then again, who am i to judge. she's just another person in the world with feelings. 

also, anyone think the commercial for the new dj hero looks like a commercial promoting HIV testing? 

i'm done asking questions now. 

i'm tired for no reason at all. i'm ready for tomorrow morning already. i wanna say i'm gonna go to sleep soon, but in all honesty i'm probably going to stay up tweaking the last letter i wrote. 

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

new lifestyle changes.



anyone wanna start playing sports with me?

i like soccer and basketball.

not very good at much else.

this too shall pass

day: november 3, 2010
[[tribute to xanga:

mood-frustrated]]

i'm tired for no reason at all.

also, these fourteen pounds of water weight (due to recent "improvements" in my health) are really beginning to bother me.

i want a treatment.

and i want it now.

i'm going to the gym today with a friend, hopefully she'll give me the guidance i'll need to just keep going and going and going without getting intimidated by other people.

i'm kidding about fourteen pounds, it's down to five or six now.  i've still fit in all of my clothes, so it's really not that big of a deal. i just feel different.

and not in a good way. 

kristen/alex told me i've appeared sad lately, and i think it's just frustration with my body.  i know i'm not the healthiest person in the world, but geeze, can't i get a little break somewhere?

somewhere along the way i stopped trying.
i think this might be life biting me in the butt or something

---written three weeks ago after one of the more frustrating days of my life:

i kind of feel like the cardiologist who comes to work double fisting mcdonalds and a cigarette.  how is it that as someone who knows the most about health out of all my peers, i'm the one with the problems?

i guess that maybe it's a sign.  this only empowers me more to do research on this and aid others who might potentially have the same problems.

for those that didn't know, i was born with atopic dermatitis. a skin condition that ranges in severity, it's created by a weakened immune system and causes breakouts on the skin. for most people, it's worse while growing up and just kind of fizzles out during the teenage years. for others, such as myself, it remains a problem, with more and more breakouts, loss of pigmentation, allergies, etc.  there is no known cure for it, the only things available are there to help lessen the symptoms, but even those don't work half the time.  it was the worst its ever been this past summer.

more recently, (i.e. yesterday) i found out i'm a potential candidate for type 2 diabetes.  i might have thyroid problems, creating insufficient hormone levels which, as you guys know, regulate efficacy of insulin and my weight.


somehow i think this all may be connected. how? i'm not sure.. but hopefully i'll find out soon.  i hope that, with treating the most recent development, i can get to the bottom of this skin condition. if anything, i'll be able to go to india and stay in an ayurvedic clinic for a while until this all gets sorted out, which seems to be a silver lining in this otherwise dismal cloud of a week.


i don't think it'll be easy, but i don't think it'll be too hard either.
i'm fortunate it's not any worse, but this whole lifetime problem deal is unnerving.


....

i complain too much sometimes.
it could definitely be worse.

i'm gonna plaster a smile on my face no matter what for the rest of the semester.

hmm...

i need to get photoshop.

i can't get the effects i want with just iphoto.

         Teach me half the gladness

                     That thy brain must know,

                Such harmonious madness

 From my lips would flow

          The world should listen then, as I am listening now.

my first attempt at combining a drawn something with a typed something, '07

oh, it really wasn't my intention

to disregard convention

it was just an impulse

that had to be obeyed.

i’ve been listening to ella fitzgerald all night and reading way into things. her music makes me contemplative, happy, and a little sad all at once.

well, only the slightest bit sad. as you guys can probably read from my blog posts, stories, poetry, etc... i’m a big ol’ sap. it just reminds me that all i want is someone to snuggle up to and croon her songs to, someone who won’t run away at the prospect of watching a spanish film (followed by a jason segel film or two, or three..) and maybe drink some bourn vita (i can settle for hot chocolate) in the process.

it never lasts long though. just long enough for me to blog about it and then realize it’ll happen soon enough but still be embarrassed about hitting the button “publish” after choosing the perfect picture to go along with the post.

i keep thinking about how much i’m going to miss all my friends next year. 

i’m a junior this year. most of my friends are seniors. three years ago i started college classes. i came in with 32 relevant credit hours. i could’ve been graduating with them too. i’m thankful i’ve decided to stick it out for the full four, though i can’t help but wonder what it’d been like if i didn’t try and change my mind last year.  

little known fact: my dream job would be to become a wine label maker, a teen short story writer, a pastry chef, and an art history professor all in one. since that isn’t exactly a specific job or anything, i’ll have to settle with helping people. which, as it turns out, is something i kinda like doing. 

i want to take a year off anyway, though. just to see everything i’ve been studying. that’d be amazing. even things i haven’t studied. foreign things. like the rest of asia, for instance. or maybe finally just visit europe. the continent i know so much about yet have never, ever visited for longer than a 5 hour stay at an airport.  

all that aside though, i’d give anything to just be in india for an extended period of time with ten empty notebooks, a copy of the gita, and my iPod. we’ll see if that can happen soon enough. for now, i’m settling for a glorious combination of:

ella (as stated previously), ray lamontagne, d’angelo, bilal, nat king cole, matt costa, select coldplay b-sides and a blank TextEdit page.

whatever made us do it
say, aren't you kind of glad we did?

bought some of this today.

here's to hoping the tattoos last longer than the flavor.

still delicious for those three minutes, though!

the lady who lives below me got into a ridiculous fight with her boyfriend last night at 2 am. i want to tell her i have to share a window with her and her ridiculousness and i have biology to worry about, but i don't think i'll ever man up enough to do so.  today was my first biology test and i don't know how i felt about it. i studied a certain way this time that i may not put into practice next time. honestly though, i'm starting to read the material already in order to ensure a 100 on this next one. there's no reason not to do well in a class like this, especially with the kind of time on my hands nowadays.

as unexciting as that last paragraph was, i'm super stoked about my newest babysitting endeavour. the baby is too adorable for words, and even though i was frustrated and stressed out today... i couldn't help but smile and laugh while i played with her for an hour.  she's a darling, and didn't really fuss at all. i think my tuesdays are going to be really awesome from here on out.

i hope people had fun on saturday. i'm so thankful that everyone showed up and dressed up and were all just really awesome in general. honestly, i couldn't have asked for a better turn out.

i think

i just need to learn to let go sometimes.


attachment seems to be an issue that shows itself constantly in my life. whether it be a place, a person, an item.. anything.

time to start fresh. i like where this semester is heading. i've already learned so much in the past five days.

i miss every single one of you.

my aunt's room

trying to keep warm and take pictures at the same time with gloves on, too tricky.

for the past five days, well.. since thursday early morning here, i've been in south island.  my aunt and i flew from auckland to christchurch at 6:25 am.  

after renting a car we drove to mt. cook, with beautiful sights! it's my aunt's favorite place in south island... and the view is breathtaking.  

we stayed in a youth hostel that night... fully decked out with a communal kitchen, bathroom, and lounge room. people from all over the globe were there... trying to communicate in their various languages in broken english.

the next morning we drove to queenstown. we stayed at shotover lounge over there, and after deciding to take it easy and have just a nice night without any hiking... we stayed in watching the x-files movie and enjoying some hot soup. hahaha. horrible movie by the way. my aunt was swooning over moulder though, of course.

the next day we went to milford sound which is possibly the prettiest thing i've seen here...

enjoyed it, clearly.

after a delightful day trip including a coach ride and boat cruise through milford sound, we drove back to

"shotover lounge" for indian food and heat.  we watched the international and tropic thunder before going to sleep. gotta love the randomness of the sky movie network.

the next day we drove to dunedin, a gorgeous university town. we ate at a great little italian restaurant called estrusco (even got free hot chocolate from the waiter). 

i'll have more up with details later.

but dunedin was our last stop before heading off to christchurch, stopping for a bit in omaru on the way. 

i look like such the tourist.

so i'm here!

according to my computer it's 5:55 p.m. in athens, ga.


it's almost 10:00 am here. i've gotten my morning shower and i'm wearing a sweater, jeans, socks, and sitting by the now off fireplace.  it's cold, but cozy in here.

view from the top

crazy gorgeous here.

i'm going to karekare today and will be walking along the coastline. my aunt's friend makes the best honey, so i'm hoping everything i consume today has something deliciously sweet involved.

new zealanddddd

i'm officially leaving next thursday for new zealand.
i'll be there for two weeks, which is too short of a time.. but i'm happy for it anyway. :)



i miss my aunt.

my dream:

alright,
so my dream last night was theeee tits.

recap:

oddly enough, in athens, ga.. i was asked to be on a show like american idol. the first day of performances was coming up and i was pumped. the day arrived and my sister and i walked up to the room, watching all the other kids take the stage bravely with cameras all around.  this girl looked at me and said "hey, i know you're a soprano too so do you want to partner up for our first performance?" i said yes, but then proceeded to ask how we're supposed to know our cue and she quickly deserted me. apparently if i didn't know i wasn't supposed to be there?

was dream rucha heartbroken?
no no.

she was just hungry.

i called up alex if he wanted to eat barberitos but got turned down for programming homework. i sat in my new apartment that had red walls and hardwood halls and fortunately my family arrived to keep me company. they too wanted barberitos.

we found a huge table to sit at even though the place was completely crowded.  after two minutes of sitting, we had three new people join our table.

john cusack, jodie foster, and kenan thompson.

"shut up rucha, that's jodie foster" was all Jaanki could say when they sat down.

i asked john about joan, about sixteen Candles, about high Fidelity.. it was amazing.

the dream didn't stop there.

my dad, craving some juice, spoke of a new hoppin' place downtown that served delicious fresh squeezed juice.
we quickly went there, and that was when emily wirt jumped into the picture.  she appeared in line with me.  this place was the coolest juice bar ever, the baristas (juicearistas?) were made up of the Netherlands soccer team.  all of them still in uniform while serving delicious fruity drinks.  she and i stared in amazement as the drinks floated around in the air like magic until they landed safely in the customers' hands.  one of the players babbled on about static electricity fans keeping the drinks afloat in the air, whatever..

there was more to the dream but none of it compared to meeting john cusack finally.

You Just Got Slapped - How I Met Your Mother (HQ)

i've been watching way too many how i met your mother/jason segel videos for the past two hours.


i need sleeeeeep.
jason segel, you don't know what you do to me.

this is heaven to me...

rotli making process..

it is way too hard to make these perfectly round

Mom's teaching me how to make gujarati food.  I'm really excited.  I made a complete meal today under her direction.  Green beans and potato shaak (cooked and spiced vegetable dish), rotli (flat bread seen above), and rus (mango pulp).  It doesn't seem like it'll be too hard to follow up with this at the house.  Within the next few days I'll probably gain a couple more recipes under my belt. 

Between shadowing and committing to cooking mostly every meal for myself, I'll be pretty busy this semester.  I'll be happier for it though, I have a feeling.  It felt great finishing my plate off today during dinner.  

peach upside down cake.

best peach dessert ever. 

<3 

laugh about it

I watched a girl walk by with her perfect gladiator sandals, sparkling tank top and bump it in her hair that was straightened and dyed.  Her jeans had the typical manufactured holes in them and were studded along the front pocket.  She couldn’t have been much older than 15.  I can’t believe that was the kind of girl I tried to compete with, nay, envied at that age.  

I don't know if it's just the south, but what constitutes as attractive around here (as in Valdosta) is the opposite of natural. 

Scares me a bit, not going to lie.