loveology

stay-ology, please-ology

cheese

“Let’s retrace thesteps of how blood travels through the heart and into the lungs, beginning withthe inferior venae cavae,” the teacher’s voice is drowned out as I draw in theintricate details, careful to keep the eyeballed symmetry.  My #2 mechanical pencil is the most effectivefor this kind of art. I’d like to think my notebook paper is perfect for ittoo, with the lines allowing for an unintentional levelness to each petal. 

            “Ever get sad knowing that naturecan’t create something as beautiful?” he asks, sitting down next to me andsmiling.

            “Honestly I don’t think I’d ever beable to recreate the perfection that is the poppy, but I try my best everyday,” I keep looking down, feeling my blush spread to my cheeks.  It’s emotions like this that make me wonderwhether I’m a 12 year old wrapped in a twenty-year-old’s body. I clearly needto learn to speak up a little better because he made a confused face.

            “What did you say?” he asks with abigger smile, leaning closer.

            “Erm, don’t’ worry about it,” Ipretend to refocus on what the professor is saying, when really I’m calculatingthe five minutes I give myself to slowly turn my head towards him withoutlooking like I’m staring.  5, 4, 3, 2,1:30, 1, :30… His dark brown hair partially covers his paper, the terriblydrawn circulatory system unfolding under his pencil.  It’ll be a wonder if he’s able to actuallytell what he’s drawn next week when he’s studying for the exam.  I look back at my own paper, this perfectlysymmetrical and unnaturally speckled flower isn’t going to help me much whenI’m studying next week either.  I shrugit off, picking up my pencil to careful write anatomy across the top of thepage, the date, and sign it off as though I’m about to turn my art in as anassignment.


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It shouldn’t be anordeal.  I can do this. We’ve all donethis.  We’ve all been hungry and havegone into a shop to eat exactly what we’re craving.  I am craving a burrito.  I could just go in, get the burrito and noone would probably even notice.  But whatif he actually did notice?  He’s standingthere, waiting in line to get the order. What if he turns around and recognizes me as that girl who he thoughtprobably just didn’t know English, but really is just too quiet for her attemptat witty banter?  I can’t go in.  I’m just going to go home and eat a bowl ofcereal. That’s what I’ll do.  Hoping noone notices, I turn right around, swing my backpack back over my shoulder andwalk out of there quickly. 

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“Com eon, are you ready yet?” my friend taps her feet on the ground, watching as Ifiddle with the scarf I’m testing out as a headband in my hair.  I grimace a bit when I imagine it droopingwithin the hour.  I like the way it looksnow, but for fear of it looking silly and drawing attention, I take it out.  My hair looks the way it always does again, long, unruly and covering up most of my shoulders and face.  I turn on my heel, shrug at my friend and quickly slip my shoes on. 

An hour later I find myself in one of the loudest bars imaginable.  There are eighteen year olds everywhere,easily getting past the bouncers with their faux Texas IDs.  Lost In the sea of blonde hair blue-eyed perky bombshells, I find myself tapping my feet to the latest Beyoncé jamblasting, waiting for my only friend to return from getting us drinks.  I get a tap on my shoulder, look up quicklyand notice a kid with a nice smile and sandy brown hair asking for the chair myfeet are comfortably tucked into.  I shrug without a word and he takes it without question.  I tell myself I’ll just give my own chair tomy friend if she asks.  She finally comes back, pulling a chair from across the room confidently and sitting down. I begin to work through the peculiarly strong drink.  I nod as she talks about the people she says she saw on her way out, informing me why she took a bit longer than usual.  We sit there in silence for a moment before a familiar mop of hair catches my eye.  Whyon earth does this kid have to give me butterflies just from talking to me for one minute during lecture?  It’s odd though; he looks just as bored as I do, fidgeting impatiently while his friends try talking to a couple girls on the other side of him. I quickly look down and pretend my drink is the most interesting thing imaginable when he notices me staring.  My friend taps my shoulder, making me raise my head, but only for a half second my cheeks probably violently red at this point.

“Hey, I just saw Tyler, I’ll be back in sec,” she informs me as she stands up.  I sigh heavily, wishing I could just be athome and not blushing furiously because some guy notices me staring.  He isn’t even looking in my general directionanymore, I should at least be feeling nothing now.  I try capturing the straw with my mouth without looking and stare at my phone.  Imissed.  Nothing new.  On the third attempt to capture my straw I realize looking at tumblr while at a bar is quite possibly the lamest thinganyone could ever do, and inwardly scold myself for not just opening up tothese perfect girls in their heels.  We must have something in common, right?  I glance up finally from my phone and see a pair of legs in front of me.  They are not my friend’s.  In fact, they are particularly boyish. 

“Looks like the straw won that round, huh?” he says and I can hear the smirk in his voice.  I finally look up and see him.

“Er, haha yeah…” is all I come up with. Without invitation he sits down and he nods.  I guess that’s his asking if it's alright?  I give him a weak smile back.

“So how do you like Dr. Anderson’s lecture style? It’s not that boring is it?” he asks.

“I like her a lot!”

“Doesn’t seem like it with your doodling during lecture.”

“It’s the only way I can really listen well and stay awake to be honest.”

“So she’s boring then.”

“Not really, it’s just nine am, you know?” I say, surprised I’m actually keeping up with this, AND he can actually hear me. I almost visibly smile at my own confidence.  All of a sudden I hear giggling in a corner, and see a girl and boy walking up to him. At about five feet away from us they beckon him over, and without another word he gets up to leave.  I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding back in, glad that I didn’t make an utter fool of myself but sad it was all over. 

my dream

had a dream that Michael dumped me for the teen wolf chick AGAIN and then Raphael Saadiq asked me out. I didn't have an answer for him immediately so he walked out confused and then some other famous actor who I can't remember the name of came up an asked me out and in my state of confusion I said yes. Then I made a fish face and we laughed together and rode the roller coaster in despicable me