well

"my goal isn't unrealistic because it's impossible to reach, it's unrealistic because of the boundaries i've set for myself. mentally and physically. i've succumbed to the excuse, to the expectation, to the limitation i've set in my own head. "i can't stop doing this because if i start again eventually everything i've worked for will fall apart." but it won't, cause it can't, because i don't know if it would or not and i haven't even given it a chance.


on another token, i haven't come to terms with our family friend's death because i haven't really given myself the chance to honestly talk it through, to say what they meant to me, what their kindness and thoughts meant to me and how it's fueling my goal to practice one day. i think that in some way is holding me back, it's been the topic of many conversations that i've tried my hardest to avoid. in all honesty though i'm still expecting to hear a phone call one day or a warm welcome on a trip home from athens.

the gist of it here is this, having an internal battle of wits with yourself never ever helps. if you're unhappy about something, try and fix it as soon as possible instead of bottling it up and letting it fester. then that itself becomes a limitation, and no one wants limitations. they make you feel silly and not in charge of your own life. yourself wouldn't be too happy about that."




sometimes i look back at what i've written and wonder a) why does my english grammar keep getting worse while my spanish gets better b)how would this look if i'd written this in gujarati c)how was it me who wrote this? i actually am not embarrassed by it